How I Build Relationships with Horses
A lot of people are impressed with my riding, I always give praise to my coaches and trainers that I had growing up. When I get compliments on my horsemanship, I thank them and books. I have so many books at my house that teach people how to ‘break horses’ or ‘training horses’ but I always read those books and think, “that’s a good thought…but the wrong goal”. Most of these books about the trainer being the alpha but I don’t want that kind of bond with a horse… I want an honest relationship with each horse that I work with or own. I read these books and like the goal but I apply it differently to the training sessions. I want the horse to be my partner, and yes some horses need the rider to be confident and to be the leader and that’s fine, but not every horse is like that. I want the horse to trust me on the trail, in the arena, in a field, wherever we are working or riding and to do that, I build a bond with that horse and show them that there is nothing to be afraid of and if they are afraid, I’m there with them and I’m not going to let anything bad happen if I can help it. If the horse lacks confidence, I show them that I will be the confident one if they will trust me to be.
The relationship I have with horses is like the relationship I have with my boyfriend. The trust is a two way street, they trust me to protect them and guide them and I trust that they won’t try to run me into a tree or the rail. The best example that I have of this is when I was in 4-H. One day during gymkhana night at the county fair, the weather started out great, it was warm, a little cloudy but no rain. A few events went by and suddenly all the horses, started acting weird… even my horse. No one knew what was going on and about 30 seconds later it started to downpour. I did my best to try and keep my horse calm because we were on deck. The next event was the speed dash. One barrel at the end of the arena and you and your horse had to go down, loop around the barrel and head back. All the horses were trying to turn their backs to the rain and the announcer said I could wait until the rain stopped. I sat in the saddle and felt my horse, Liberty, calm and relaxed and told the announcer that we would ride. From the side entrance gate, to the start, I let Liberty keep her back to the rain. I was patting her and keeping her calm. In that moment I knew that our relationship was built on trust. She trusted me enough to ride into the down-pouring rain face first knowing that I wasn’t going to let anything happen to her. And I trusted her enough to get us through the pattern and to keep me safe. We completed the pattern with one of the best times and I gave her so much praise as soon as we crossed that timer. I built that kind of relationship with my horse where we knew we could trust each other 100%.
When I build this relationship with a horse, I don’t tell them what to do, I ask them. When I’m working with a horse whether it’s exercising them or just ground work, I watch their body’s and listen to them. If I’m trying to get a horse to trot and they flip their tail and shake their head, I back off a little on the pressure but I keep asking them for a trot and the second that they pick up the pace, I immediately release the pressure. Release equals reward. Yes you can get after horses a little bit but I don’t always live by that rule. If a horse won’t go forward, I extend the reins and keep asking them with leg pressure but I never aggressively kick a horse to make it move, sometimes if the horse is really stubborn I will ride with split reins and lay the end of the reins in their hindquarters as an extension of my arm and give them a little tap. I do not believe in “kick them to make them go” because horses are super sensitive to touch. They feel things more intensely then humans do. I know I wouldn’t like it if someone was kicking me in the ribs to make me move. Any tools I use when riding, a lunge whip, riding crop, split reins, spurs, etc., are an extension of my body, they are never used as weapons because that breaks the trust bond with a horse faster than anything.
I want horses to trust me whether they are my own or if I’m just working with them. I don’t want them to fear me or be untrusting. I can use my words and voice to express myself, a horse can’t speak, their behavior is their voice, their movements are their voice and it’s our job as trainers or horse owners to learn those mannerisms and be able to understand them.
“The answer to any horse riddle, lays in the past”
